Porn addiction in women: quieter, more common than you think, and fixable

Almost everything written about quitting porn is written for men. If you're a woman who has tried to stop and can't, that silence is part of the problem — it makes you feel like the only one. You aren't.

The numbers

In a nationally representative US survey published in JAMA Network Open in 2018, 7% of women and 10% of men reported clinically relevant distress from difficulty controlling their sexual urges and behaviour. The researchers said the gap was far smaller than they expected. Barna Group's 2016 study found a third of women aged 13–24 seek out porn at least monthly. This is not rare. It is under-discussed.

Why "just stop" hasn't worked

• The decision is made twice. Once in the morning, with clarity; once at night, in a window of five minutes where clarity isn't present. The second decision wins unless something holds the first.
• The phone is always there. A blocker on the laptop with an open phone beside it is a speed bump, not a wall.
• Shame keeps it private, and private habits don't get help. Fewer women tell a friend, a doctor or a counsellor, so fewer get the support that works for men who do.

What Secondway does

1. Closes every device at once. Windows, Mac, Android and iPhone on one account, so there is nothing to reach for.
2. Makes turning it off take a wait you chose in advance. Hours or days, on a server clock that can be raised and never lowered. The urge passes before the wait does.
3. Keeps it private. No screenshots, no logs, no reports to anyone. The only person who knows is you.

If it's more than a habit

A blocker handles the access. If the pull is tied to loneliness, trauma or anxiety, a counsellor who works with compulsive behaviour is worth the call, and a blocker makes that work easier rather than replacing it.

Sources: Dickenson et al., JAMA Network Open, 2018; Barna Group, "The Porn Phenomenon", 2016. More: What is Secondway?